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Friday, 15 June 2012

Praying for my husband - Day 9

14 Days of prayer for my husband

Day 9:

Dear God. Ever since I undertook this journey to pray for my husband, You quietly started a process in my own heart…a process I did not necessarily think to pray for myself, but being the good God You are You planted a seed of commitment, a softness, a kindness, a seed of repentance, a seed of forgiveness in me … I just know it’s there.  I just know.

I sense a softness in my heart towards my husband… something shifted.. it’s almost as if I had a tiny glimpse of my past behaviours …there's an awareness in me this morning that I also need to change.

Make me want to change. Make me the peacemaker 
~  Matthew 5:9 'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God'

You are so good to me.

God I pray today that You will shine a spotlight on me.
On who I really am. On what I have become. What I have allowed myself to get involved in. On where my focus is. On my divided heart…

I must confess, this is something I don’t really want to pray for – because this 14 day journey started out to be a journey devoted to my husband. He needs this more than I do. Well, I thought so…But You have other plans. Good plans for me. For us.
I make a decision today Lord, that I want to be the women You created me to be. I want to walk in Your shadow with a clear conscience, an open heart… Help me to get there again!!

I do not want to justify my sins and inequities anymore. I need You more. I need to change for myself. I need to turn by back on yesterday to walk hand-in-hand with You into tomorrow…Into my –new- marriage.

But this is something I cannot do alone. How do I walk away from something(0ne) I’ve grown fond off… and need…I have created my own little world where I feel safe. How do I let go? God how?

Make my heart to want to!
I need You Jesus. All of You. I need Your Help, You Strength.

Hear my cry as I give voice to what You have spoken:

Ezekiel 36:25-27 ~  I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

I have enough faith (HOPE!) that You will change us both… to live for You. To live for each other.

In Jesus Name I pray. 

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