Sien my raak

Om gesíén te word

Om werklik deur mense raakgesien te word is ‘n wonderlike ding. Dink aan die manier wat die Zoeloes mekaar groet: Sawubona – ek sien jou! Erkenning is ‘n basiese emosionele behoefte by alle mense. Daarom dat – waar elke mens gesien of gehoor voel – daar gewoonlik goeie, gesonde en hoopvolle verhoudings heers. In die nuutste DC-fliek, The Joker, wat tans in teaters draai, sien ons egter wat gebeur wanneer die omgekeerde plaasvind. Die prent speel af in die Batman-wêreld van die DC comics-genre, destyds geskep deur Bob Kane. Die Batman-karakter speel egter byna geen rol in die fliek nie en die storie verduidelik eerder hoe dit gebeur het dat die euwel karakter van die Joker ontwikkel het, een van die mees populêre superhero villains in die comics-wêreld. The Joker vertel die storie van Arthur Fleck, ‘n gewone goeie mens wat ‘n traumatiese lewe het. Hy voer ‘n sukkelbestaan as ‘n komediant maar beleef totale verwerping omdat niemand dink hy is snaaks nie. Niemand gee enige aandag aan hom nie. Een van die hooftemas in die fliek is gevolglik die realiteit van ‘n siek samelewing wat randfigure so ignoreer en misken dat hulle onsigbaar voel in die oë van die leiers, rykes en magtiges van die gemeenskap. Arthur Fleck probeer hard om raakgesien te word en net ‘n stukkie erkenning van die samelewing te ontvang. Hy word eenvoudig deur niemand raakgesien nie en wanneer hy wel aandag kry is dit veel eerder bespotting en vernedering wat hy beleef. Hierdie voortdurende spot wat hy moet verduur, te same met sy gevoel van onsigbaarheid, dryf hom uiteindelik tot waansin. Sy breekpunt word bereik toe hy agterkom dat hy ‘n aangenome kind is. Dié teleurstelling was eenvoudig een te veel vir hom en hy vermoor toe sy ma, wat hom dit nooit vertel het nie. Laasgenoemde sit toe ‘n hele klomp gebeure aan die gang waardeur Fleck homself intensioneel begin posisioneer teen die sisteme van die samelewing. Hy word die Joker, ‘n euwel simbool van anargie en chaos wat moor en plunder in ‘n poging om beide raakgesien te word, sowel as om die orde in die wêreld te destabiliseer.  Om vir ‘n onbepaalde tyd nie raakgesien te word nie, kan sieldodend wees vir enige iemand se selfverstaan. Vir iemand om geen erkenning te kry nie, geen plek in die samelewing te vind nie, kan uiters gevaarlik wees. Ons is nie gemaak om onsigbaar te wees nie en elke persoon het ‘n breekpunt. Op ‘n stadium sê Arthur Fleck, wat aanvanklik goeie intensies gehad het:  I don’t believe in anything anymore.  Sy onsigbaarheid lei tot ongeloof in enige iets goed en die eindresultaat was moord en chaos.  Dis waarom Jesus-volgelinge sieners moet wees. Ons moet die eenvoudigste mense raaksien. Dit het my laat wonder hoeveel kere ek al mense onsigbaar laat voel het: die persoon by die verkeerslig met die bordjie om die nek; die persoon wat ons tuin maak; iemand wat die gemeente of besigheid se vloere vee; die kelner wat my kos bedien; my vrou of kinders?  In teenstelling hiermee weerklink my Zoeloe-vriende se groetgewoonte: sawubona – ek sien jou! En dan waai die lewe van Jesus soos ‘n warrelwind deur my gewete. Jesus het die onsigbare mense sigbaar gemaak. Hy was die Meester-Siener! Hy het mense wérklik raakgesien. Hy síén die melaatse, raak hom aan en genees hom. Hy síén die sondaars en vergeef hulle. Hy síén die kinders en nooi hulle na Homself. Hy síén die onsigbare vrou wat aan bloedvloeiing ly en raak haar aan. Hy síén die arm vroutjie wat haar twee muntjies in die tempel se offerkis gooi en prys haar. Hy síén eenvoudige vissers, sluit hulle in en maak hulle die leiers in sy koninkryk. Jesus weet hoe gevaarlik die konstante gevoel van onsigbaarheid op enige mens se menswaardigheid het daarom het Hy ‘n sawubona lewenstyl gehad. Dis die lewenstyl wat Hy aan ons wil oordra. Dis een van die primêre maniere waarop ons sy koninkryk laat kom. In God se koninkryk word elke mens gesíén! So genees Hy die wêreld. Jesus kýk ons gesond! Elke persoon wat aan God behoort is getel. Dis waarvan die honderd-vier-en-veertig duisend in Openbaring getuig. Niemand wat aan God behoort, sal ooit verlore raak in ‘n gesiglose skare nie. Jesus leer ons om die minstes raak te sien, sodat hulle nie nodig het om nargesigte te verf, teen die wêreld te draai en in Jokers te ontaard nie. Dís Jesus se woorde aan ons en aan die wêreld:  Sawubona – ek sien jou... volg My!  deur Roedolf Botha {e-Kerk}

a Stranger touched my heart

I love YOU

a Sacrifice of thankfulness

Set out a sacrifice I can accept: your thankfulness. Be true to your word to the Most High.

~ Psalm 50.14

We often use prayer not to deal with sin

Consider this...

Sometimes you just have to deal with the sin in your life instead of making excuses not to deal with it!

You don't deal with sin through prayer. You confront it and stop doing it. Then you ask God that His Holy Spirit convict you and guide you.

oh...the love of self

Character should grow, not your reputation....

Autopsy Report

If you were to be killed for your faith... will there be enough evidence for you to be killed?

Have you ever considered this!

Have you ever-ever considered this about God's creation ... the way He enjoys His own? The way He speaks to it? Have you ever considered this:  they speak back to their Creator? 

Have you ever paused to think that when God sends lightning flashes forth, they report for duty?

Do you know that the young ones of the crow calls out to God and tell Him they are hungry?

Have you ever wondered about God's wisdom, His cleverness, His knowledge, His ability to create and to make things work?

Do you know that God gives orders to the morning and instructs the sea where its proud waves has to stop?

That God walks through the valleys of the ocean depths and that darkness has a home?

Then consider this....

That this God, who created heaven and earth and everything in it, planned and created you.  But that is not all, that He loves you, with a love that is far beyond my understanding.  That He wants to be your Father, your friend and that He wants to have a relationship with you.

You, who have failed Him, you whom have hardened your heart against sin, you who have betrayed Him so many times before.. over and over. 

get this...

He loves you unconditionally,

There is nothing, nothing that you have done, that God cannot forgive.

He died for every possible wrong you could have done in your life.

and all you have to do, is to ask God for His grace, His forgiveness

then walk away from all the wrong in your life...

and start all over.

Job 38

(The Lord speaks to Job)

"...Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me if you have such insight.

Who determined its dimensions?

Certainly, you know!

Who stretched a measuring line over it?

On what were its footings sunk?

Who laid its cornerstone when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Who shut the sea behind gates when it burst through and came out of the womb when I clothed it with clouds and wrapped it up in dark clouds, when I set a limit for it and put up bars and gates, when I said, ' You may come this far...  Here your proud waves will stop '.

Have you ever given orders to the morning or assigned a place for the dawn so that it could grab the earth by its edges and shake wicked people out of it?

The earth changes like clay stamped by a seal, and parts of it stand out like folds in clothing.

Wicket people are deprived of their light, and an arm raised in victory is broken.

Have you gone to the springs in the sea or walked through the valleys of the ocean depths?

Have the gateways to death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gateways to total darkness?

Have you even considered how wide the earth is?

Tell me, if you know all this!

What is the way to the place where light lives?

Where is the home of darkness so that you may lead it to its territory, so that you may know the path to its home?

Have you been to the warehouse where snow is stored or seen the warehouses of hail that I have stored up for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war?

Which is the way to the place where light is scattered and the east wind is spread across the earth?

Who made a channel for the flooding rains and a path for the thunderstorms to bring rain on a land where no one lives, on a desert where there are no humans, to saturate the desolate wasteland in order to make it sprout with grass?

Does the rain have a father?

Who gave birth to the dewdrops?

From whose womb came the ice, and who has given birth to the frost in the air?

The water hardens like a stone, and the surface of the ocean freezes over.

Can you send lightning flashes so that they may go and say to you, 'Here we are'?

Who put wisdom in the heart or gave understanding to the mind?

Can you hunt prey for the lioness and satisfy the hunger of her cups as they crouch in their dens and lie ready to ambush from their lairs?

Who provides food for the crow when its young ones cry to God and wander around in need of food?..."


Have you ever-ever considered this?

Prepare for it!

We often hear,
"Life is short... better enjoy it"!

How about,
"Eternity is long... better prepare for it"!

What are you doing with your Kingdom heart?

It might be the most important thing to know about yourself; it is a lens by which you can understand your longings, fears, addictions, anger. 

Where is your kingdom heart these days... 

What are you presently doing with it...

What are you fantasizing about? 
Know this: where we take our fantasies is a clear indication of what we are doing with our kingdom heart.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick

Faith is something that looks backward—we remember the ways God has come through for His people, and for us, and our belief is strengthened that He will come through again. Love is exercised in the present moment; we love in the “now.” Hope is unique; hope looks forward, anticipating the good that is coming. Hope reaches into the future to take hold of something we do not yet have, may not yet even see. 

Strong hope seizes the future - a day, a place... still to come; it is the confident expectation of goodness coming...

Ask yourself, How is my hope these days? Where is my hope these days...

Jesus Christ gave His life to give each of us a hope above and beyond all former hopes. Every action and teaching of His magnificent life were very intentionally directed at unveiling this hope to us.

In Matthew we read with breathtaking clarity:

“Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne . . . everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” (19:28–29)

At the renewal of all things?! God’s intention for us is the renewal of all things? This is what the Son of God said; that is how He plainly described it. 

And then this:
The Greek word used here for “renewal” is palingenesia, derived from two root words: paling, meaning “again,” and “beginning,” which of course goes back to Genesis. Genesis again. Eden restored... the creation of the world. When the world is made new. An everlasting promise, so beautiful. But Jesus is clearly not talking about heaven here—He is talking about the re-creation of all things, including the earth we love.

When a casual hope is deferred, we are disappointed but nothing more. We are downcast for a moment or a day. 

When precious hope is dashed, it can really break your heart and can usher in fear and anxiety. You may not recover for a week or five years, depending on the loss and the other resources of your life. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12). 

It does, doesn’t it? 
But when an ultimate hope goes unanswered, the result is devastation from which you will never recover. Ultimate hopes that suddenly seem uncertain shake the soul to its core. 

Here is my point: the renewal of all things is meant to be your first hope in the way that God is your First Love. If it isn’t the answer to your wildest dreams, if you aren’t ready at this very moment to sell everything and buy this field, then you have placed your hopes somewhere else.

The life of a distant parent

The life we I live in.

Sometimes life deals you a bad hand. Emotionally bad. Your heart aches - literally to the point that you feel you cannot breathe. The pain suffocates you, and leaves you depressed. Anxious. Many sleepless nights and restless thoughts.

I have heard too many times that bad things happens to good people. I think it to be true. But I often wonder if this is not part of the consequences of so many wrong choices I have made. And along with that the tragedy of our fallen government of our once beloved country, the senseless crime and our children, friends and family finding refuge in other countries so expensively far away.

My daughter is one of the statistics; like so many others,who gave up the life she grew up in and exchange it for a seemingly better one. At the tender age of 18 and after finishing school she visited her dad - my ex-husband who uprooted his new family and moved to greener pastures, fell in love with a handsome boy and decided to make the new country her home. To my detriment. Very soon thereafter they started a family and I became the granny of two beautiful babies. 

I never, not for one single second - ever in my whole life, thought that I would never see my grandchildren grow up in front of me. That they will never come over for our famous South African braai's, Sunday lunches of just hang out with us for pizza on a Friday evening or pop in after a busy day to for a quick hello. I don't get to experience that. I don't get to feel those chubby baby arms around me and I don't get to babysit. I miss out on all their baby milestones and sleepovers. I will never have the opportunity to surprise them with a coin in their shoe in exchange for a tooth. I loose out on wet kisses and sticky finger marks all over my clean furniture. 

Instead, I was handed a laptop. I learned how to use Skype and most of the time I spend every dime on data so I can at least see those baby faces on a 3 x 5 cm cellphone screen. And when we do get to connect, it's a constant juggle with the time difference and our different schedules, lost signals and bad connection.

I never thought I would be a skype-nana. How can one ordinary sentence, made up with random words describe the longing in my heart - the pain of not being able to hold them in my arms, playing silly games or reading them bed-time stories?

The loneliness. The missing-out. 

But this is my life - this is the hand I was dealt with and I need to put on a poker face to make this work. Even when it feels as if my life is falling apart because I miss them so much; even in the times, in the dead of the night when i struggle to hold down the tears, not wake my husband when it feels like I am drowning in my tears. They can never know how I count the hours until the next scheduled phone call, or how I juggle my bills to save money for a plane ticket...or the disappointment in my voice when they cut the conversation short for one or other reason or emergency. Or the tears in my eyes when my grandson masters a skill and I am not there to give him a high five.

I am one of many mothers who stood at the airport and waived their daughters - and sons goodbye. I am one of many grandmothers who misses out on being a hands-on granny. 

But this lonely fact doesn't make me feel any better.

I have taken this matter to the Courts of the Heavenly's, wept before the Lord and hold on tight for dear life on the promises that His mercies are new every singe morning. I hold on to the fact that "new baby nerve cells are birthed every single morning" to remove negative and depressed thoughts in exchange for new happier ones. I am in the process of "renewing my mind" so I can rebuild my thought life in order to live a happier and more fulfilled, or rather content life. ....

Our children are not us. They make their own decisions. They follow their husbands to the ends of the earth to make a life for themselves. To find a better future than the one they know for their children. There is nothing wrong with that. It's just that I wasn't ready for this. Nothing prepared me for this.

Instead of moping - which I am very good at and eager to practice all day long, I need to rather constantly focus on the fact that I have technology. At least we have technology! Imagine we hadn't!

Sometimes when I feel like the sorrows are going to overwhelm me, I do cry. Like a lot! But then I put on a brave smile, and like the posts on Facebook of so many of my friends who get to see their babies and brags about them and I am truly happy that they get to be part of their children's lives. What a blessing it is!

Do we still count our blessings? This experience has made me even more aware of that that I still have. I have a life. I am healthy. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I have gas in my car and have plenty left-overs in the fridge. I am thankful. I choose to be...even though...

Its my choice. And I choose to thank God that my kids are happy and healthy and that they are making a very good living for themselves!

I will rebuild my new life.

One thought at a time..

PS:  I am going to be one heck of a skype-nana!