Friday, 30 September 2011

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

What my husbands pornography addiction did to me.


Before I became a reborn Christian I use to watch pornography every now and then with my husband. I used to say there is no harm, but the fact was: I was not OK with it. Whenever we were intimate I always wondered if my husband fantasised about the women we saw in the movies. I always felt self-conscious because I was not able to do what the people in the movies could and I definitely did not look as good as the 20 year old in the movie who had never had children.

Intercourse was not intimate at all, but more of a race to try and live out something I saw in a movie. I did a lot of things just to please my husband. I didn't want to be boring in bed. I did some disgusting stuff in an effort to keep things interesting.

Later on in my marriage Jesus saved me from my sins and I devoted my life to Jesus. Shortly after that I found out that this was not the only extent of my husband’s pornography viewing. It was also books and websites that he viewed continuously. I found that anything with a dress was a potential fantasy, him wondering what is beneath it all, not able to keep his eyes off women. I felt so hurt, lied to, angry, ashamed, shocked, insecure, and heartbroken... the list goes on.

Let me tell you, your wife might say she is ok with watching pornography with you, but deep inside, she is not. You are hurting her, she feels that she will never be good enough to satisfy you. She is doing things that are against her will and morals. The perverse sex disgusts her, she cannot do the same things the people in the movies do, it is physically impossible.

This is something you should know... Your wife cannot fully respect you as she feels that you have no respect for her. She is afraid of denying because she is afraid you will reject her.

If you are not certain if it is wrong to watch pornography, masturbate, have perverse sex, feel free to 1st ask God’s blessing before you do it and see if you feel OK with it? I guess not.

My husband will never fully understand the impact his addiction had on me. With God’s grace I have forgiven him. Some scars take longer to heal, but Jesus is the only true Healer.

I beg of you to call on Jesus to heal you of your addictions, He is so faithful. He will restore your marriage and intimate relationship with your wife.

From a wife, a mother, a lover.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Men under construction

Jesus is alive!

I spoke to Him this morning.

In who's shoes?


Stop and ponder.....

In who's shoes are you walking?

In who's shoes do you desire to be in?

Are your shoes to big for you?

Does the shoe fit?

I found a Love greater than life

Therefore the Lord will wait [silence, linger] that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy [compassion, forgiveness, kindness, sympathy, understanding, bigheartedness] on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait [long, desire] for Him.
~ Isaiah 30:18


Monday, 19 September 2011

Walk with me through this fire

Heavenly Father

If one's heart has been broken, over and over again... will it ever heal completely? Or will I always be reminded of the evil by the harsh scars that never seems to mend...

Abba Father help me not to hold on to yesterday, help me not to become bitter, or to take the easy way out... Father I need to let go but I don't know how anymore.

Why has it become so difficult to forget, to forgive?

Today, yet again I need Your healing mercy
Walk with me through this fire
I trust in You Jesus


Tuesday, 13 September 2011

My addiction


Conceived in Rape, Living With Purpose

As I sat across from a social worker in 2003, ready to receive my adoption records, the women said, "since you're going to find your mother, you need to know about the father."

I hadn't given any thought to him, except that he might have been a hit and run.  Without any preparation she bluntly said, "Your mother was raped."

Read more...
http://christianity.about.com/od/depressionandsuicide/a/Conceived-In-Rape.htm?nl=1


A Christian Testimony
By , About.com Guide
A website worth browsing:  http://christianity.about.com/

Friday, 9 September 2011

Shall we dance, my Lord?

Do You hear the music in the distance? Lord it is so all-around us, so real, so part of me and You that I cannot help but to fulfill the desire in my heart to just dance with You, again and again!

O my Lord, do You remember our first dance? The memories of that day is forever imprinted in my soul – a beautiful everlasting moment we had… You and I. You pulled me up from where I laid on the floor, buried in my grief. You knew that my crushed spirit needed You so desperately right then. I could hardly breathe... Jesus I will never ever forget the love and tenderness I have experienced in Your arms that day.

I was so overwhelmed by the immensity of Your love for me. I knew then that You would move mountains to protect me!

Together we waltz, following the rhythm of our hearts, the beating of Your healing mercy. I broke down at every turn we took, but You kept on dancing, kept on turning, knowing how much I needed to rid of the hurt that drenched my soul. You held me steady. You held me together. Lord, You never deserted me that day! You kept me close. Safe. I breathed Your Healing...

Looking back on the past 7 years… we have danced a bit, haven’t we Jesus?
I love dancing with You.  I was born to dance with You my Lord. To be in Your immediate presence soothes my soul.

Whenever I needed comfort or protection, we danced! When I wanted You to love me; we danced! When I just wanted to love You, we danced! Oh Lord, we have had so much fun together.

Do You remember the day when You surprised me - in the middle of the traffic – You took me to the dance floor and we showed off our gum-boot moves! Oh Lord, we've laughed so much that day! You have this mind-blowing ability to just make my day!.

Thank you, Abba Father for being so nice to me. More than nice.

Lord, I love it when You romance me. Please Lord don’t ever stop doing it. You fill my heart with such joy and laughter I cannot get enough of it.

I want it. I need it so much. It makes me fall in love with You more and more and more. Is it possible? To fall deeper and deeper in-love with Someone that already holds your heart captive? I think so … because each time I look into Your eyes… I love You more and more. And more. And more.

Signed, Your dance partner...
xxx

My love

When I first laid my eyes on you
You were quite shy
Soon after that I knew
I found a love so true.

Through thick and thin we vowed
Alone you and I
Our heads closely bowed...
until we die.

I promised I would be true, I would be faithful
I will be there when you need me
To lean on
To be strong.

Shaken over our past -
We fought for our love to last
The roads were very tough
Often thinking we won’t make it, it's just too rough

Until one glorious day, …
He seemed like an ordinary Man
He spoke one word and forgave our sins
He healed our broken hearts

Today I know you never gave up
each time you pulled us through
A strong tower... that's what you are
fighting like a lion...
soaring like an eagle.

My darling, I can honestly say
You are the best thing
that ever happened to me…

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Out of darkness

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fevered pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally, I can see You crystal clear,
Hanging on the cross with Your soul laid bare

The scars of Your love remind me of my past
They keep me thinking of a Love that will last
The scars of Your love, they leave me breathless
Knowing I will make in times of distress

You have my hart inside Your hand
I gave You all of my love
Leaving my past behind
With a fire burning,
Reaching a fevered pitch that keeps me out the dark

Monday, 5 September 2011

Worthy is the Lamb

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, Holy, holy is He! Sing a new song to Him who sits on Heaven's mercy seat.

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings. You are my everything and I will adore You.

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, at the mention of Your Name! Jesus Your name is Power, Breath and Living Water, such a marvelous mystery. 

You are worthy Jesus!
You are worthy to be praised!
To You be the Glory!

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