I don't know exactly when it happened, I just know it did. I started living for myself; my comfort and my needs became my priority. If things did not go my way, if I was being ill treated, I would lash out and negativity would pour out of my mouth.
Knowing the dangers of it all, my bad behaviour, the words I have spoken; I still continued. I gave heed to the whispers of the enemy and got sucked into a world where I stopped being the peacemaker. A difference-maker. Made myself comfortable on a fence, licked my wounds and threw myself an epic pity party. Just sooo tired of the difficulties and challenges in my life.
I hate being here. I hate being in this 'condition'...this state I am in. I know I am at fault. At some stage I have let my guard down and now I am facing the consequences. It feels like I have been mourning the death of someone, something for so long that I don't know how not to mourn.
So in the early hours of this morning, I decided (DECIDED) to get up... take my bed and be the difference maker - again, spread the Gospel, heal the sick, break bread and share food happily with others and freely praising the God of Abraham Isacc and Jacob, the God whom I love and adore with my whole heart.
I am just being reminded of the song... I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, though I may wonder, I still will follow. The world behind me, the cross before me...no turning back - no turning back.
I am convinced that there are many other women around the world that are feeling the very same way. Facing the same challenges ... and even more. Women who are desperate for a fresh touch of God. A miracle from heaven above. God reaching down and physically touching our faces and whisper in our ears..."It will all be ok My daughter, I have got your back I am still here..."
This prayer is especially for all those woman:
Our Father in Heaven show us Your mighty power today, heal our bodies, restore our hope, rejuvenate our minds and souls. Help us to forgive those who trespass against us. Deliver us from the evil one. Give us the strength to face this day, the courage to continue our faith walk. Bend our hearts Lord so we will want to worship You, because we really love You Abba Father. In Jesus Name I pray.
May all you followers of the Lord who are tired and weary be brave enough today to get up, pick up your mat and walk, be healed in Jesus Name. (Math 9.6) for the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive [all] our sins.