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Monday, 24 October 2011

Your husband needs "Respect"

When we treat someone as a valued gift and invest ourselves in his or her care, we build up that person’s feelings of self-worth and draw closer to them as well.
When a wife respects, nurtures, and affirms her husband, it deepens her love for him. On the other hand, when we don’t regard something as valuable and neglect it, our feelings for it begin to wane. At the top of any man’s list of needs is respect from his mate; God created men that way. He needs respect as much from his wife as he needs air to breathe. A man who doesn’t receive respect from his wife is a man who begins to wither on the inside. 

That is exactly why God calls wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33).   Some believe that respect is something we all must earn. But just like love, respect from spouse to spouse must be unconditional. 

This is what Scripture teaches: “Show proper respect to everyone … not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh” (1 Peter 2:17-18).

How can a wife show respect for her husband

• Express faith in his decision and ability.
• Leave him notes that tell him how much you value who he is as a person.
• Make positive suggestions without demanding an immediate answer.
• Listen to his upsets and don’t take his anger personally.
• Let him vent when he needs to.
• Encourage him in areas where he doesn’t feel secure and let him know you stand behind him.
• When he makes a decision you’re not in favor of, listen.
• Talk about his positive strengths in front of the children.
• Praise him at least once a day.
• Discover the uniqueness of his personality and learn to understand him and communicate better with him.

Ask yourself which of these you did this past month in an effort to show your husband respect. Then ask yourself how you’ll find ways to do these things in the coming month and beyond. It might be difficult at first, especially if your husband is acting out towards you, not treating you with respect, who is maybe physically/emotionally abusive, who does not show love towards you, who does not love Jesus….

When I met Jesus a couple of years ago, my husband and I had serious marital problems. In fact we were on the verge of a divorce and it was in this challenging times when Jesus prompted me to behave and treat my husband with respect.  I couldn’t. In fact, I haven’t for many years. And I [thought] had all the legit reasons for not treating him with respect; my husband was very violent towards me - physically and emotionally, drank excessively, had several affairs and often visited prostitutes.

But Jesus [lovingly] convinced me to obey His word, that I should respect my husband regardless… (1 Peter 2:17-18).

I chose to be obedient and started treating my husband the way God wanted me too… sometimes I had to force myself and there were times it really came naturally.

I was so desperate to save my marriage, to change, to serve and obey God that I sucked up [almost] everything from my husband.  I wanted my husband to approve of the ‘new me’.  I longed for him to see a renewed women of God and most of all I’ve hoped that he would change too. That the changes in me would spark a desire in him to accept Jesus Christ and that the 3 of us would start a new journey.

I am absolutely convinced that the changes in my behaviour, how I treated my husband, how I reacted to situations; together with my non-stop fervent prayers were the triggers that caused him to accept Jesus.

But this is an on-going process; and I do make mistakes, I fight hard against the desires [that so often rises] to be sarcastic, to ignore him, to insult him… sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don’t.

But I am a firm believer, that because I love Jesus and have a burning desire to be obedient, I will always try again, and again, and again.

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