Ek het beheer verloor!

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Ek het onlangs ‘n artikel gelees en beself eks dieper in die ‘ding’ in as wat ek gedink het ek is.
Jeb Magruder, 'n raadgewer vir president Richard Nixon, het aan die Senaatskomitee van Ondersoek gesê: , 'Ons het onsself gebluf deur te dink ons was nie met iets onwettig besig nie. Teen die tyd wat ons wél onwettige dinge gedoen het, het ons reeds beheer verloor.'
Ek het myself gebluf deur te dink ek is nie met sonde besig nie.... Ek was moeg om vir alles in geloof voor te staan. Ek het in opstand gekom omdat dinge nie ‘vir my ook net kan gebeur nie’. Hoekom moes ek altyd bid vir alles? Vir vrede in my huis. Vir guns vir ‘n nuwe werk sodat ek vryliker finansieël kan asem haal. Ek is ‘op gebid’ vir ‘n deurbraak as my kind iets benodig of op ’n kamp wil gaan. Hoekom Here moet ek altyd vir geld vra? Hoekom kan ek nie net ‘hê’ nie. Ek voel soos ‘n bedelaar. Altyd bakhand. Waar is my trots? Het ek nog so iets? As ek na die Here toe gaan die laaste tyd voel ek nes ‘n bedelaar .....
Ek was moeg om die enigste een te wees wat heilig probeer leef. Ek was moeg of altyd die alien te wees. Ek wou ook bietjie geliefd en aanvaar voel deur mense om my. Net een keer!  Is dit so verkeerd?? Ja... Want ek het begin kompromeë aangaan, en als boonop geregverdig. Ek het my gewete opsetlik onderdruk en as gevolg daarvan het my geloof skipbreuk gely. Ek het beheer verloor. My gewete is in ‘n slegte toestand.
Iemand het gesé jou gewete is soos ‘n bewegingsverklikker...

Ek het die Here gefaal.

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