A deceitful heart

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John 21-25
After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, "I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me."  His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them He meant. One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, "Ask him which one he means." Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, "Lord, who is it?"

I have meditated on these few verses for some time now and I am still at a place where I feel restless... suspicious... uneasy ... because I know how deceitful my own heart can be.
(ps51.3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.)

The disciples knew their own hearts, their struggles and thoughts, those very intimate thoughts that you hide from the world - even though they loved the Lord....
I know I love the Lord and that I am really and truly committed and dedicated to Jesus and the Gospel, but to be truthful & straightforward, there are times that I know I cannot trust myself .............

Did the disciples have the same battle, the same struggle where they know their hearts are not as trustworthy as they would like it to be?

Which leaves me to this distressing thought... will I be faithful throughout the end. I know without a doubt, undeniably, unquestionably, most certainly that I truly want to faithful to the end... regardless

But will I be like Peter, and deny Him when the going gets tough?  Even though, I can truly say that I will lay down my life for Jesus.

Even though, beyond a shadow of doubt, I love Him more than life itself.
Even though, I need Him like I need oxygen
Even though, I adore Him with my whole heart
Even though, I put my trust and faith in Him
Even though, He died for me...

Where are you in this.... Truthfully? Straightforward?

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